Monkey Brain and an entire topic about boobs, but you’re going to be disappointed.

During our Birthing from Within classes we talked about our “monkey brian”. That part of our brain that never stops talking and can make a crappy situation even worse by talking about all the shit that annoys us. Like you’re sitting in a really bad movie and your monkey brain is going on about what a crappy movie this is, and how the person in front of you breathes really loud and how your back hurts and you totally wish you were at home but this movie is still on and my god when will it end?
And then your movie-going buddy thinks its the best movie of all time.
I keep having to tell my monkey brain to fuck off when it comes to breastfeeding. Why God made it so bloody hard is a complete mystery to me. Honestly, if I was picking cotton in a field or walking across the western US during the pioneer days, I would have died. Or my baby would have because honestly? I do not have what it takes. Its one thing in the comfort of my home, with a plethera of pain medication at my fingertips, quite another if I actually had a hard life.
And why it seems so effortless to other people also annoys me. Those woman need a smack, or at the very least, they should be ugly. It’s only fair.
It’s getting better, I think, even though Miss Claire has thrown up blood and breast tissue twice and we’re still waiting around for the golden poop and anyone with a baby completely understands that sentence. Its all about poop, and pee and your breasts get an awful lot of conversation time. You try not to talk about them, you really do, but you sort of can’t help it because its this all consuming task centered around your breasts.
I used to really enjoy my breasts. I would have pegged these sweeties as one of my best features (really, I would have, a little cleavage gets me a lot of leeway with my husband) but right now, I sort of want to surgical remove them from my body.
For my friends on the verge of entering into this maternal world of bonding and bliss – get someone to show you how to do the strait-jacket swaddle. This is a miracle swaddle and one I wish I had known about with Sir Callum. It could be the difference between tossing the baby across the room or not*.
On the plus side, the little gas smiles we’re getting are heaven. And Callum now shakes your hand “hello” and gives out high-fives. Ridiculously cute.
*And no, I would never toss the baby. I just like to say I’ll toss the baby. It makes me feel better.