Monkey Brain and an entire topic about boobs, but you’re going to be disappointed.
During our Birthing from Within classes we talked about our “monkey brian”. That part of our brain that never stops talking and can make a crappy situation even worse by talking about all the shit that annoys us. Like you’re sitting in a really bad movie and your monkey brain is going on about what a crappy movie this is, and how the person in front of you breathes really loud and how your back hurts and you totally wish you were at home but this movie is still on and my god when will it end?
And then your movie-going buddy thinks its the best movie of all time.
I keep having to tell my monkey brain to fuck off when it comes to breastfeeding. Why God made it so bloody hard is a complete mystery to me. Honestly, if I was picking cotton in a field or walking across the western US during the pioneer days, I would have died. Or my baby would have because honestly? I do not have what it takes. Its one thing in the comfort of my home, with a plethera of pain medication at my fingertips, quite another if I actually had a hard life.
And why it seems so effortless to other people also annoys me. Those woman need a smack, or at the very least, they should be ugly. It’s only fair.
It’s getting better, I think, even though Miss Claire has thrown up blood and breast tissue twice and we’re still waiting around for the golden poop and anyone with a baby completely understands that sentence. Its all about poop, and pee and your breasts get an awful lot of conversation time. You try not to talk about them, you really do, but you sort of can’t help it because its this all consuming task centered around your breasts.
I used to really enjoy my breasts. I would have pegged these sweeties as one of my best features (really, I would have, a little cleavage gets me a lot of leeway with my husband) but right now, I sort of want to surgical remove them from my body.
For my friends on the verge of entering into this maternal world of bonding and bliss – get someone to show you how to do the strait-jacket swaddle. This is a miracle swaddle and one I wish I had known about with Sir Callum. It could be the difference between tossing the baby across the room or not*.
On the plus side, the little gas smiles we’re getting are heaven. And Callum now shakes your hand “hello” and gives out high-fives. Ridiculously cute.
*And no, I would never toss the baby. I just like to say I’ll toss the baby. It makes me feel better.
9 Responses to “Monkey Brain and an entire topic about boobs, but you’re going to be disappointed.”
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You’re amazing for sticking with the bfing. And I wish I had something witty and smart and helpful to say, but I don’t.
*hugz*
Ugh. Sorry you’re having such a hard time! Good for you for hanging in there (as long as it’s realistic to do so … don’t be a martyr!)
You’re blessed/cursed with fair skin and I’m convinced that makes it worse. Keep ‘em dry between feedings, it helped me. Stick with it–totally beats heating a bottle for a crying baby at 3 a.m. or running out of formula unexpectedly. If you get desperate, find a good nursing consultant. Underline “good”!
Maybe it’s just not right for you. There’s nothing wrong with formula, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad mother or a quitter or anything. My sibs and I were formula fed and we’re fine. I think you should talk to your doctor – if your body is hurting, it’s trying to tell you something. ~hugs~
eventually I *will* supplement (because I like to leave, without the baby, on occassion) but because I produce so little milk, I need to get through the first few weeks first. I’m seriously not the breastfeeding type, though, that’s clear.
I know it won’t make you hurt any less and stuff but I hate BF too.
Callum also says “Bye, Bye, See you later!”
And gives the most delicious hugs and kisses. What a doll!
Any the baby is also high on the scale of cuteness! Looks like her Mommy would have looked if she had Black, Black hair!
Hope things start to look up soon…. we all feel enormously sorry for you, if that helps at all! Probably not, but we do!!
Hang in there, you are doing a marvelous job!
That sucks! There is no other way to put it(sorry a little joke there) but seriously I feel your pain…well not literally. Stop if you want and don’t feel bad about it. There are worse things in life than not being able to breast feed.
Love You!!!!
I totally hear you. I decided not to get so stressed out about this go round because I was such a freak last time. Here we are at 2.5 months and I am exclusively pumping and on motilium. Strangely it works, baby gets breast milk, I am no longer in excruciating pain, get to share the feeding duties with Robin, and am sleeping! Best of luck whatever you decide to do.