Here it is, midnight, and I’m still awake. I’m bitter. I had about 3 hours of sleep last night and I’m sitting here working on website transfering for my volunteer group. I am no where near done, I am not even near a comfortable ‘done enough’ place.
Although I believe in what the group I volunteer does, I am becoming increasingly disillusioned. Disillusioned? I think that is the word I want. The typical funk you find yourself in when you realize that the same crap that weighs down the everyday, weighs down everything, and it’s always so disappointing, even for a realist like myself.
I got involved when I was pregnant because initially I was planting trees along the river and the like, but as I got to be too pregnant, a colleague suggested I join this board. It was a pretty good fit, I still got to volunteer but this particular position was more suited to the stay-at-home Mom. Plus I have a great deal of respect for this colleague, and still do. In fact, she is the reason I am still an active volunteer. I wish I had her dedication and passion.
Now, though, I’m tired. I’m tired and I really hate that it’s been almost a year and this project that I have been spear-heading is still sitting on my “to-do” list. This, and another large project. This is certainly not my fault, I had a baby and that significant event alone makes a year magically disappear.
oh, and I went back to work.
So, I’m tired. I am giving some serious thought to going back and planting trees, counting fish, and playing outside with my kids. That is more in-line with my values than maintaining websites.
There is no point to this post. I’m going to bed now.