handmade::my hearts

Inspired by a doodle-heart embroidery on pinterest, I decided that it would be cool to do up one for each of my kids as a valentine day present.  I was right.  It was cool.

my hearts

oh, I’m so humble but I am so, so, so very pleased.  Like ginormously pleased.  This is something I actually designed (rather than just copied) and then did the embroidery.  It was such a great project because it was relatively fast, and I learned some new embroidery skills.

heart be callum

AND IT WAS FREE.   I definitely made some mistakes, or rather, I was just lazy and in the end it showed.  Claire’s heart is bigger, because I just sort of free-handed them where I probably should have used a template.

heart be claire

Callum was all pratical because the intent was that they would be valentine gifts, but then that didn’t happen.  (WHAT? shut up).  But then I decided they can hang on my wall all damn year.  So there Mr. Pratical.  I should have embroidered that on his heart.

heart be anna

I am itching to make more.  Anyone want one?

what i would tell myself

This video produced by Nummies is making the rounds again – it’s the video where they asked mothers if they could go back to right before they had their first child, what would they tell themselves.

It made me think of what I’d tell myself, which I noted wasn’t in the video.

1. I’d tell myself that breastfeeding isn’t the end all and be all and your children will be healthy, brilliant and thrive if you “fail” and give them a bottle.

2. I’d tell myself that while it is true that once you’re a parent you’re on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week – something I was told, repeatedly – your partner is not.   It just is.  I don’t know why.  That isn’t to say that Steve is some sort of old-fashioned ass.  He’s not, he is a fine man actually but he’s a father and  I’m a mother.  I have no better explanation.

And yes, that will be irritating.

3. The days you stop and breath and wonder at your children will be good, no matter what.  Even if you just wonder for a second.  The days you don’t stop, the days you go-go-go and try to do it all and be it all and meet someone else’s deadline are going to suck serious ass.  Stop and breath and then say no to people. This will probably piss them off.  oh well.

But still do the dishes because if you don’t, you’ll have a lot of ants crawling on your counter and that’s just nasty.

4. Turn off the TV.  Your kids will be calmer and happier.  Really.  I know this now because I have done 5 years of research on those same kids.

5. You will not change.  Parenting is not as hard as everyone says it is if you stop and enjoy the awesomeness of your kids instead of trying to make it into a competitive sport.  You will still knit and embroider and read.

brain dump

Anna these days is pure delight.  She is so willing to do everything and be everyone’s little helper (slave).  She has also taken to cleaning her own bum.  She’s not yet 2.  I appreciate the thought there anyway.

She is all smiles and waves and just starting the NO! thing.  So not completely unreasonable just yet.  She gets so excited to see my Mom that I am usually doubled over laughing by the time my Mom walks through the door.  Talk about a welcome!

Today she walked into the living room, asked for her milk and to have a nap.  I know, right?  Kid is brilliant.

She didn’t sleep, but whatever.  She played in her crib for over an hour.

Today she also saw Claire sleeping on the couch (Claire is the second victom of the latest bug running through the house), went upstairs unprompted and brought down Claire’s blanket, doll and pillow.

Claire, in return, told me that she was grateful that she had such a great sister tonight during “Grateful Time”.

“Grateful Time” is a moment before bed where we do some deep breathing (ohmygod, people, this is so damn cute.  The three of them sit in front of me in the hall and do the breathing.  It takes every ounce of willpower I have to not laugh.  Every night.  Deep breathing is suppose to be calming so laughing would not be wise).  After we breath, we all take a moment to say what we’re grateful for.  Anna usually says “Grandma” or one of her friends.  She’ll often launch herself at me and say “I LOVE YOU”.  All in all the kids do this exercise really well, most of the time.  Steve seems to struggle.  Then gets pissy when I start listing off millions and millions of things he could say he was grateful for.  I will never understand why this is so hard for some people.   Who live in Canada.  With healthcare.  And food.  And roads.

I started ”Grateful Time” because I know that if you write down what you’re grateful for every day it can have a hugely positive influence on your life.  I heard (read?) that if you did it for just one week, you feel better for 6 months.  This was scientifically proven.  Since I am surrounded by (and married to) folks who walk a thin line between happy and sad, I am really sensitive about it, and desperate to impart whatever happy-inducing habits I can in the kids.  This is my start.  Up to this point my hope was that they just inherited my good happy genes, but decided that I couldn’t rely on that alone.

I think if I come back to this space more fully, I need to give up the hope that I’m always going to post a picture.  That is what usually trips me up.  I don’t want to spend that much time transferring, resizing and uploading the pics.

But I love pics.  bah.

I am planning a (joint) fairy party for Claire and a friend.  It’s going to be EPIC.  Because woah.  Fairies?  They just scream handmade craftiness.  Love it.  Love it.  Love it.

hello, hello

I’m still here just, I don’t know.  Uninspired I guess?  Busy and tired and when the end of the day comes I don’t feel like writing.  I haven’t even started my Christmas newsletter which is ridiculous considering I have a photo for it that I paid for (or at least, will have to eventually pay for) and then what?

My first completed project for 2012 was the kid’s 2011 Christmas ornaments.  Hey, at least I’m predictably late but I finished them before Christmas 2012 so I WIN.  ha!

callum's penguin

claire's snowman

anna's snowman

the entire gang

The whole gang includes ornaments for other lucky kids.  I just mailed them yesterday, so you know, their mothers are going to be cursing me when they have to dig out the Christmas box to store them.  oops!

rewards

The other night some friends and I were discussing the rewards their kids get when they bring home that golden report card, and the rewards they themselves got in their youth for that report card.  Then Laura was recently talking about the idea of using stickers to encourage Miss Gwen to stay on task when she needs Gwen to, well, stay on task.  Instead of hi-jacking her blog with my (very opinionated) thoughts on the matter I thought I’d just write my own blog post about it all!  I’m all considerate like that!

(and in case there is any doubt, my friends and the lovely Laura are amazing parents.  I respect them tremendously and feel they are raising amazing children.  Let me repeat.  I do not think it makes someone a bad parent if they give their kid a sticker or a loonie or a reward for a school year well done.)

I’ve never been down with Reward-for-Good-Behaviour gig.  Even before kids I wasn’t down with it.  Even when I was a kid I wasn’t down with it.  It is something I have never been able to reconcile in my brain.  What does a reward have to do with getting an A in math?  I’m good at math.  I like math.  I want to learn math.  A sticker, a dollar, or even an “I’m so PROUD of you!” doesn’t have a damn thing to do with it.  It was about me, I wanted to be good in math.

And a sticker (or insert coveted item for appropriate age group) was never motivation enough for me to try harder in English to get an A.  I just didn’t give a shit.  I never cared if that was the proper formation of a sentence.  If what I was trying to say was clear enough that the teacher understood, then woot! Good enough.  That is all I wanted.  I was pleased with the Bs.

I feel like when I use reward-base techniques to teach my children how to behave in a situation what I am saying  to them is that the reward is the end result of all the things we do.  But what I want the end result to be is to have my children look around and do what is best for the situation, not what is best for them or what will get them some “thing”.

This is pretty high in sky, I know it.  Teaching that isn’t going to be easy.  It’s hard.  It’s tiring.  It’s irritating.  Sometimes I just want them to put their damn shoes on and get in the car ALREADY.  WHY IS THAT SO DAMN HARD?

I totally get why people want to give out a sticker or a dime.  I really, really, really get it.  And I’m no saint,  I have given out my own share of things to get them motivated.  I’ve bribed.  I’ve begged.

The big picture for me, though, is that we don’t get a “thing” for being adults that give back to our society.  If we work together and look big at what our community, our province, our country needs collectively, we get a nice place to live.  A safe place to live and work and raise our children.  We don’t get an iPad.  I don’t understand why we teach our children to want an iPad instead of that safe, secure community.  And while that may seem like a ridiculous comparison, that is what is going on in my head when I try to come to terms with the reward-based teaching idea.

That isn’t to say I don’t think that a sticker chart or a reward has a place.  I believe it to be a valuable tool to say,  track a goal – a goal that the child makes and tracks.  If that goal is to read 100 books this year, then go to town and make a poster and buy a stack of stickers.  That makes complete sense to me.  But if it is my goal to force my kid to read 100 books, well then that sticker chart loses merit in my mind.

Although  my kids could totally read a 100 books. heh.

Right now my children are young and I believe that my role in these early days is to train.  Perhaps I should say “to teach” as that sounds much lovelier, but really it is just training.  Training them to understand the real consequence of their actions.  Training to see the world beyond their own wants and desires.  In every situation the consequence of not behaving a certain way differs, but there is always a consequence.

For example: if you don’t eat your breakfast right now, you will not be eating breakfast because in 10 minutes we are going to be getting into the car.  The logical consequence to not eating breakfast is you’re hungry and pissy all day.  Tomorrow, the kid will probably eat breakfast (I have pretty easy-going kids, so it is a guarantee that tomorrow they will eat breakfast.  well, except for maybe Claire).  Do I care if my kids eat breakfast?  OF COURSE I DO.  But they will not die if they don’t eat breakfast, I am not punishing them by taking breakfast away because everyone was given the opportunity to eat and then if they chose not to, well in the long run the lesson of realizing that they are responsible for their own well-being (or will be in time as they get older) is more important than what someone else thinks when they find out my dawdling 5 year didn’t get around to eating and that is why he is lying in a puddle of tears at my feet at the end of the day.

I don’t always have a reasonable consequence at my disposable, though, and sometimes (often) am flailing around like a crazy person, but hey!  Welcome to parenting!  I am getting better at this all the time and there are certainly non-negotiable points in every situation.  It comes down to three things – Is it safe for my child?  Is it safe to me and others?  Is it safe to the environment?  The consequences fall out of that.  Usually.  I still have a really hard time diffusing the crazies.  You know the crazies?  When the kids are having a blast but they are being annoying and insane and over the top?  And running away from you laughing like complete lunatics?

No?  Your kids don’t do that?

huh.

More than anything, though, I feel like when we start dolling out rewards to get the behaviour we want, it is really easy to slip into a situation where you stop listening.  Really listening.  At least, I believe this to be true for me.  Instead of realizing that Claire is digging her heals because she’s hungry and needs a snack, I bribe her with something to get my way (which might be for a completely valid and necessary reason) and then I have allowed for a real need of hers not to be met.  Sometimes the behaviour is a cry to be heard, or a cry for some attention, or love, or understanding but they can push that aside in the interest of getting the coveted ”thing”.  At least for a moment.  After that moment, though, the need is still there, I’m all out stickers and I’ve got three kids losing their marbles with no end in sight…